GORSE MAN

Step aside Francis Bourgeois, there's a new TikTok star in town. 

GORSE MAN 


Who's that you say? 

Well, if you're asking that, then Ok Boomer, you can find out all you need to know about Gorse Man here and now. Put down your Pink Floyd 25 CD box set for just one moment and read this...

Gorse Man first emerged on TikTok in early 2022, when most younglings were spending 12 hours a day staring at their smartphones and chuckling to Francis B's rail antics (and also snapping their fingers and shouting 'sick'). Much like young Francis making the terminally uncool hobby of trainspotting fashionable, Gorse Man hopes to do the same for lovers of the evergreen shrub. He has been a lover of all things Gorse since childhood and believes that there are many closet Gorse fanatics out there just looking for someone cool to champion their cause.  

At first he had just a few followers (less than 3) but within a month he had 12 and within 6 weeks somewhere between 99 and 112 (the actual figure fluctuated). 

This writer has his money on Gorse Man being not just as big as Francis Bourgeois but potentially the biggest TikTok sensation since the platform began. Whenever that was.

While FB's funny train skits are usually around the 1 minute mark, G.M.'s videos typically make full use of the 10 minutes Tik Tok now allows. His first attempts were a little on the uneventful side, (the first video quite simply filmed a gorse bush for 10 minutes with some focus swimming being the closest thing to a highlight). However, G.M. really stepped things up in March when he filmed himself screaming wildly and running through a Ulex europaeus (also known as Western gorse) in only his Knight Rider underpants. 

He sustained cuts and grazing and was admitted to Sussex hospital.

Undettered, G.M. got straight back out there on to the heathland and started making wacky videos less than a week after being discharged. 

I met Gorse Man (real name unknown, but some believe he is called Crispin and attended Harrow from ages 13-18. He is now believed to be around 23, though some reports put him around 63) in a cafe in Lewes. To protect his identity he was wearing the antique diving helmet that he always wears in his crazy clips. 

I asked him How did Gorse Man come about and was he influenced by Francis Bourgeois. I asked him if he thought it might be a problem that Gorse bushes were really only in splendour around April / May. 

I asked him his age, whether he had a girlfriend, if he has an agent, did he have sponsors and how long he saw himself being 'Gorse Man' and whether he hoped it would lead to greater things such as a book deal or a job on Bake Off. Also I asked him if he knew where the toilets were.

Unfortunately all of his answers were muffled due to the diving helmet (though he was able to point out the way to the bathroom), so we will have to wait and see. 

Do I think Gorse Man will still be making us laugh, cry and not pay attention to where we are walking in years to come? Of GORSE I do!


Tim Civil-Sleet, Daily Blurb

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